Understanding the patterns you grew up with

RootedPatterns.org

For adults looking back at where they started

The patterns you grew up with are worth understanding.

Compare therapists in the US and therapists and counsellors in Australia who list family of origin issues among their focus areas: the roles, habits and ways of relating that started in the family you grew up in.

Patterns people bring

Every therapist here lists family of origin issues among their focus areas. People come with very different histories; these are a few everyday patterns, each linked to themes the therapists also list.

  1. Keeping the peace

    Smoothing things over, steering around conflict, or feeling responsible for how everyone else feels.

  2. Being the capable one

    Looking after others first, finding it hard to ask for help, or feeling guilty when you rest.

  3. The old role at family gatherings

    Sliding back into the part you played as a child whenever you go home, even years later.

  4. How you love and argue

    Noticing that closeness, trust or arguments in your own relationships echo what you saw growing up.

  5. Raising children of your own

    Wanting to do some things differently, or hearing familiar words come out of your own mouth.

  6. Distance and unfinished business

    Grief, time apart, or a relationship with family that still feels unsettled.

See every theme

Find someone by name

Already have a name in mind? Pick the first letter of their surname.

A few people to start with

Each profile sets out their background, the approaches they list and the topics they work with.

All 5,492 therapists
  1. Dr. Ricardo Gillispie, PhD, LCSW LCSW LCSW - Family of origin and mood concerns Mississippi 51 years
  2. Dr. Jon Kayne LIMHP Dr. Jon Kayne - LIMHP Nebraska, family and individual issues Nebraska 50 years
  3. Rev. Catherine Bogue LCSW Rev. Catherine Bogue, LCSW - Family and Life Transitions Missouri 47 years
  4. Arthur Hastings LMHC LMHC in Indiana - trauma and anxiety Indiana 46 years
  5. Thomas Floyd LCSW-C, LICSW LCSW-C Maryland therapist - family of origin focus Maryland 46 years
  6. Francoise Nicoloff AHPRA AHPRA counsellor - family and personal patterns Australia 40 years Also French

What it can be, and what it is not

It can be

  • A place to notice habits, roles and reactions that started early and still turn up now.
  • Room to think about how you want things to go with family today, whether that is closer, further apart or somewhere in between.
  • Individual online sessions for you, the adult, at a pace you set. You decide what to bring up, and when.

It is not

  • About blaming the people who raised you. Most families are a mix of things that helped and things that did not.
  • A diagnosis or a promise of a particular result. Each profile sets out the approaches that person lists, so you can choose a way of working that sounds right.
  • Emergency care. If you are in danger, use the emergency numbers.

Where you live

Online therapy usually works within the country, and in the US often the state, where a therapist holds their license or registration. Start with yours.

United States 5,312 therapists

Australia 180 therapists and counsellors Browse Australia

Look back at your own pace.

Read a few profiles, notice who you would feel comfortable talking to, and start when it suits you. You decide what to bring up, and when.

  1. Look aroundSearch by name, or browse by theme and place.
  2. Compare a fewRead backgrounds, approaches, languages and experience.
  3. Start when it suits youBegin online therapy with someone who feels like a fit.

Browse therapists

This is not emergency care. If you are in danger, use the emergency numbers.

Browse therapists